my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im about as happy as oj after his trial
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize