I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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