the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
