I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
