i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
