yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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