Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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