I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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