it's not cheating when I paid for it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
