It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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