the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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