New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
