Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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