So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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