this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i've created a new STD.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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