his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
