In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
