I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
