Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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