They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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