what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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