He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
