you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
