Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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