That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think I won the penis lottery.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
