okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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