Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I want to make a zoo with you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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