No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
