Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
