Betty ford says i'm here all night
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
