The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
