Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
