i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
