I want to make a zoo with you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
