They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
