also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
