It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
