So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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