So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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