I wanna bring you to show and tell
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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