ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
