GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
