It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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