I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
