Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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