Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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