dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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