so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
