the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
