You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
