I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
