I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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