well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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