i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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