your thong is hanging out like whoa
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got inside last night via doggy door
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
