I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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