So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
