I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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