This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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