Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
