ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
