i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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