thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Who died my cat blue again?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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