i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've blown a few things in my day
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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