so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
