I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
