I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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