I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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