Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I understand Curling. That high.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
