how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
