I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
