I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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