You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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