WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
