I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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