dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
