I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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