Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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