I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
