Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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