just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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