Soap is not a condiment
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
